What I don’t want you to know about me is that I spent most of my life loathing the notion of being vulnerable. Here I am, supposedly this iron-willed champion of CEOs, senior leaders, and captains of industry. Yet, up until about 2006, I held a deep-seated belief that being vulnerable was a sign of weakness and that, ultimately, people would think less of me for it.

I also believed that at some point, I’d be taken advantage of personally, financially, or in some other way because of some inner secret that I revealed while being vulnerable. Thankfully today, I no longer hold such limiting beliefs and I can clearly see the profound benefits of vulnerability.

When I reflect on where my story of protecting myself from vulnerability began, I can clearly see that it had its roots in my early childhood development. I was a bubbly, precocious, 6-year-old who was very inquisitive about the world and full of questions for my father, whom I deemed to be the smartest man in the whole wide world. “Why is the sky blue?” “How come I can’t see the moon during the day?” “Where do rainbows come from?” I genuinely wanted to know.

But often, he would become weary of my questions and would unceremoniously squash me by uttering, “Karen, you are to be seen and not heard.” I still remember that feeling of being shut down and shut out. In those moments, I felt so incredibly vulnerable and ashamed. I eventually learned to stay quiet and not expose myself to further ridicule.

My father was born during the Great Depression and raised on a working farm. He went on to college and to serve in the military. Life was a serious endeavor for him. Hard work and keeping your nose to the grindstone were applauded. Tenderness, connectedness, and gratitude were not.

Years later, I forgave my father (and myself) for squelching my curiosity. Along the way, I discovered what a true gift allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be. Because ultimately, it leads to connecting with people on a decidedly deeper and more honest level.

There are many great leaders, coaches, and mentors who often share stories of their failures, struggles, and fears. They create a space for us to connect with them at an even deeper level. I too have learned to be vulnerable with my clients in the moments when my sharing a story will help them in a meaningful way.

I recall hearing someone once say, “If I don’t reveal my sh*t then you’re going to feel like sh*t.” It’s so true. When we are willing to stand in our truth and reveal both the good and the bad, it is at that moment that we create true connection with others. Our best supporters will step forward. It also opens the door for a far deeper conversation. 

There is a powerful intersection between vulnerability and leadership. Great leaders have the courage to expose their failures and faults and often, in that exposure attract some of the most creative and motivated followers. I know an executive who had the courage to share a story of one of his most excoriating leadership moments with one of his direct reports who was struggling. This was a tale that he had not shared with anyone. The result for him was an overwhelming epiphany about the deep connection that he was able to create with his direct report. Best of all, he witnessed an almost immediate change in the leadership style this person displayed.

Some of the most successful leaders I know, understand the immense value of building a deliberate culture that embraces trust, openness, and vulnerability. While that environment does introduce some discomfort, it also allows courage to blossom. These open-hearted leaders embrace constructive criticism, uncertainty, and failure as a path to innovation and growth.

Vulnerability author and researcher Brené Brown warns that leaders need to be mindful of their motivation when it comes to whether or not they share a particular story. If it will benefit the other person or team, lead them into action or create a closer connection, then it is worth sharing. But if the motivation is to falsely attract attention, then it is a signal to step back and question why you are divulging a particular story. Behind every leader that manages and leads successfully is often a coach, mentor or a peer group. That too can be a safe place to share openly with fewer boundaries.

I know when I have the courage to speak from my heart, to fully embrace my own failures and weaknesses, that is when I create magnificent connections with people. My own willingness to say something first or to simply surrender to another person has completely opened my world in a whole new way. Now, I don’t always need to be right. It’s so much easier to be kinder and gentler to the people around us. I ask myself the question I once heard a coaching colleague say, “What would love do?”

As Shannon L. Alder so aptly stated, “You can break down the walls of pride by accepting vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness. As you walk through your vulnerability, you will meet humility on the way to courage. [This] is the road to confidence and self-worth.”

While it’s certainly not easy, and it can indeed at times be uncomfortable, I encourage you to give yourself permission to actually be vulnerable a little more often. Because when you let down the force fields that we all tend to put up to protect ourselves, in the process, you actually let other people in. And the closeness and connections you can then forge can be extremely rewarding.

And whether that magical moment happens in a coaching session, in the boardroom or on the front lawn, every once in a while, being a little bit naked can feel really good.