I was in conversation with a new coaching client the other day. We were committing to our spoken agreements between one another. When we landed upon the topic of integrity, it sparked a conversation between the two of us. He brought to light his opinion that many companies speak of integrity as being one of the core values of the organization and yet, in his experience, few leaders actually follow through and show true integrity.

I share my client’s viewpoint, and I remember many times in my own corporate career where integrity was clearly the elephant in the boardroom. One of the most memorable moments was at a lunch meeting with my then-new manager and two of the top-level managers from the parent company that had recently acquired our firm. My new manager told a bald-faced lie about our progress in the development of our software. I felt so sick in my stomach that I had to excuse myself from the table.

When I asked him after lunch on our walk to the car what he was doing, he flatly stated that he would correct it later. Knowing he was a man of faith, I said, “What about church on Sunday? What will you do then?” He was not happy with my questions and I was angry about being entangled in his web of deceit. Yet at the time, I was too young and inexperienced to know how to correct my own actions or reactions.

Today, I coach high-performing executives, entrepreneurs, and executive coaches on how to bring more love, care, kindness, humanity, and truth into the workplace. Being in full integrity is always a part of our coaching conversations.  

Who are you being when no one is watching you? Are you being honest with yourself?

Or, as Oprah Winfrey so aptly points out: “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.”

When we connect with the deepest part of our hearts and soul, we ultimately know how we are showing up in the world. When we are less fearful about what others may think – it is at that moment that we make the right choices and truly show up.

Often, I see leaders verbally avow that they agree with a certain company position and nod their head forward in full agreement. Then, behind the scenes, they go directly against that company position. What I find is that other people in the organization always know what is happening. They see the repeated pattern of behavior and so these leaders are not fooling anyone other than themselves. Transparent communication and the ability to do what’s right instead of just what’s popular can be a wonderful gift for a great leader.

Michael C. Jensen of Harvard University in the article, “Integrity, Without It, Nothing Works, says: 

“We can honor our word in one of two ways: first, by keeping our word, and on time; or second, as soon as we know that we won’t keep our word, we inform all parties counting on us to keep our word and clean up any mess that we’ve caused in their lives. When we do this, we are honoring our word despite having not kept it, and we have maintained our integrity. “

Not all leaders lack integrity. I can think of many examples of stellar leadership within my own experiences, that of my clients, and many public figures.

One such example is Malden Mills, the textile company in Lawrence, Mass., which invented the fabric Polartec. When their mill burned down the owner and CEO, Aaron Feuerstein had the option of either taking the $300 million in insurance money and putting the small town of workers out of jobs, relocating the business off-shore or in the South where labor costs would be less, or rebuilding the mill in the same small town. He chose to rebuild in the small town and pay the workers their salaries and benefits while the plant was being reconstructed!

Imagine a world where more leaders operated with a commitment to this heart-centered integrity.

In The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz he speaks of the First Agreement as being “Impeccable with Your Word.”

Do you honor your commitments? When you say you will do something, do you truly intend to follow through and then do you? Do your words align with your actions?

In the past, I admittedly have been a bit of a ‘people pleaser’. I want to please others, so I say whatever will leave that person satisfied at the moment. And then, I am either out of integrity with myself by following through on a commitment that creates internal resentment, or I never had the intention of following through in the first place. This has occasionally earned me the undesirable reputation of not following through on commitments or just being a flake. Today, I find that owning my integrity with a polite but firm “No,” can easily avert my people-pleasing tendencies.

I also used to have a terrible habit of showing up late for events with friends and family. I tolerated it (and so did my friends) for years until one day it simply became no longer acceptable for me. A dear friend called me out. She said, “Karen when you are late, it makes me feel like you think your time is more valuable than mine.” It’s an ongoing process. However, more times than not these days, I’m either early or right on time instead of late.

Zen teacher, Cheri Huber says, “How you do anything is how you do everything.“ Are you being impeccable with your word?

For me, being in full integrity is a daily practice of self-reflection. Owning my integrity is a heart-centered strength, like a muscle that must be flexed each and every day for the full embodiment of integrity.

I know when I’m out of alignment and I’m continually making the necessary self-directed course corrections. How could I possibly coach my clients to be in full integrity, if in my own life I was out of integrity? Integrity is about who you are being in every moment.

While we certainly can’t control what our leaders think and do these days, what we can control is ourselves. Stay true to who you are, always honor your word and practice integrity every single day – not just when you’re thrust into it or when someone else is watching. Because, above all, it’s never wrong to do the right thing.